Post-Airlocked CMO

[motherfucking_ghost]

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[burninglight]

No, never, I-...

[Ardyn quickly collected himself to lose the brief frantic note in his voice, hugging Church tightly.]

...I feared for a moment that it might have changed things for you. But I--listen, I won't lie and say I didn't love her. I did, just as I know I loved Gilgamesh before...everything. And I can't say something like that can just disappear.

But I love you. Dearly, completely, and absolutely. None of this changes that or makes me care for you any less. I love you now as much as I did yesterday, as much as I will tomorrow, and as much as I shall for the rest of our lives.

Please...please don't ever doubt that.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Hey...I get it.

[The smile was small, sad, but no less sincere for it.] It's like me and Tex. I get it. I get to be one of the few lucky bastards that you love in your way too long life.

[burninglight]

[Ardyn's own smile was exhausted and shaken, but entirely heartfelt in return. Even if he felt like he just wanted to break down again or start screaming and never stop...this much was okay. This was his anchor to reality when all else was giving way underneath him.]

Exactly...and I'm lucky enough to be yours. We're stuck like this forever, right?

[motherfucking_ghost]

Forever. I like the sound of that.

[The music box died down, and Church gave a whine. Winding it back up would mean detangling himself even a little from Ardyn. Not a fan.]

No chance of us getting back to sleep tonight, huh? You wanna binge on ice cream and netflix?

[burninglight]

...I'd like to get off the floor, for starters. I don't think I'm all that interested in food for a change.

[motherfucking_ghost]

...Ha, fair enough. Do your creaky old joints need a hand?

[Cope with humor. God, they're too alike. Obviously he was gonna help Ardyn up no matter what, and scoop up the box along the way. Give it a wind.]

Maybe just curl back up with a book?

[burninglight]

I...think that sounds nice.

[Ardyn's legs were a little shaky as he stood up, glancing over at the mirror with a distant look on his face. Violet hair, yellow eyes--a human body that no longer looked completely human.]

...

[motherfucking_ghost]

...You want me to cover the mirrors for a bit? You're still extremely handsome to me, babe.

[burninglight]

No-...no, I'm alright. I just...

[Ardyn shook his head, running a hand through his hair.]

I didn't...look like this before.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Kinda didn't think grape kool-aid hair and monster that lives under your bedroom eyes [see what he did there] were normal without contacts and hair dye where you're from, but I mean, I've been wrong before.

[burninglight]

[Ardyn smiled a little shakily, dropping his hand away from his hair.]

Just...let me do something, just for a moment. [After a second he looked back to the mirror, and with a slightly familiar shimmer in the air he changed notably--dressed all in white, ponytailed straight red hair so dark as to nearly be black and steel blue eyes almost similar to Noctis' own.]

...mm. Seems right, but it doesn't...feel right, anymore.

[motherfucking_ghost]

...Cuz it's not you. Not anymore.

I mean, fuck, if I looked like what I originally looked like, I wouldn't even have a dick, and where'd be the fun in that? ...Though, you being an engineer, I bet you could've figured something out...

[burninglight]

[A halfhearted laugh came with that as the illusion faded, Ardyn seeming...smaller, in some way. Standing a little less straight, with different lines of exhaustion worn into his face.]

I guess...yeah, I guess I was, right? [Maybe not back then, but he'd still ended up the architect of Niflheim's magitek. For whatever that had been worth, at least that was real.]

[motherfucking_ghost]

...Hey.

[He took Ardyn's face in his hands and leaned up to kiss his forehead.] You're my husband. My super fucked up husband who shouldn't even be alive. Married to me, super fucked up and shouldn't be alive. If anyone's gonna stand either one of us for the rest of forever, it's gonna be each other, right?

Also you've still got puke breath so I'm not gonna kiss your mouth yet.

[burninglight]

...love you too, my impossible imbecile. [He managed a slightly more relaxed smile at that, arms wrapped around Church's shoulders.]

Go and get comfortable, alright? I'll be fine for the five minutes it'll take to deal with that with some mouthwash.

[motherfucking_ghost]

You sure? I can just...stay here and keep you upright. Trust me, you saw me when I went through...this. Least I can do is return the favor.

[burninglight]

I promise I'm not going any farther than the bathroom. I can stand on my own for a bit.

[motherfucking_ghost]

...mkay. Promise I won't be dead asleep by the time you're back. [The tired, it nagged at him, but sleep would not be forthcoming after this. Clearly this meant daytime naps later. He left a kiss on Ardyn's shoulder this time and slipped out of the bathroom to go get cozy back in bed, propped against the headboard.]

[burninglight]

[Ardyn took a moment to just try to breathe; leaning on the sink, rinsing his mouth out, washing up with cold water to try and get rid of the lingering redness around his eyes. Damnable gods, what a state he was in. The unfairness of it all twisted painfully in his chest alongside the threat of looming claustrophobia. It's just an apartment. Relax, he reminded himself. Deep breaths, focus on existing and being aware of himself rather than being lost in a thousand disjointed memories. Push back the lingering nausea and concentrate.]

[He had to try to balance what he had now with what he'd remembered--in the morning he'd have a lot to write down, just to be sure. Find a page in his notebook for what he remembered of Aera along with the ones for his current friends and family. Somnus could fucking burn for all he cared, he'd rather forget the bastard.]

[But that was for tomorrow. For tonight he came back over to bed and curled up next to Church quietly, against his shoulder like a standoffish cat establishing where it belonged.]

[motherfucking_ghost]

Mm, hey. You look a little better. [A lie, but a small one.] Comfy?

[burninglight]

It's alright, you can say I look like shit.

[But he settled in a little more, arms snaking around his husband.]

Yeah, I am.

[motherfucking_ghost]

[He propped open a book.] You wanna just read over my shoulder? Or like...I can read aloud, give you something to listen to, if you don't think you're gonna drift away from me.

[burninglight]

I'll listen if you want to. I just...want to be here right now. I don't care about anything else.

[motherfucking_ghost]

You're here. With me. [Balancing a book on his knees and one hand with the other arm wrapped around Ardyn would be a bit difficult, but nothing he couldn't handle.] Just wanna make sure you stay here is all.

[burninglight]

[Ardyn snuggled closer, hiding his face against Church's shoulder again.]

...not going anywhere. Just don't...don't let me forget you.