motherfucking_ghost | SANCTUM INBOX

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Yeah, I'm not picking up. Just leave a message at the tone.

Unless you're Vic. Then you can dial 11. Jackass.

[voice, video, text, action]

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Think it was the happiest I'd ever been. [It comes out as a quiet murmur, like he's trying to whisper it to his drink rather than to Delta. Even Tex had been there. The only one missing had been driven away by a fucking moron and company.

(And he's had a glimpse of how that turns out.)

He'd be happier even now if the holes in his head were plugged. He'd be more whole. He'd be better. But he can't exactly shove Theta into his head. Maybe...maybe...

Church frowns at his drink. There's an itch back there that's clawing one solitary nail down the inside of his skull, and it isn't the usual vague thoughts, fleeting almost-memories. He's not sure he should chase it, whatever it is.]

York still feel like hunting down the Director and punching my girlfriend? Tex made sure he left. [Topic change!!!] Are you angry at him?

I am sorry to hear that. [And he is! You shouldn't have to be kidnapped and integrated by the goddamn Meta to be happy.

He stares into his glowing drink and then starts at the question.]

York seems to have decided not to seek out the Director at this time. He is not forgiven by either of us.

[But that's not really the question, is it?]

I am not actively angry with him. Perhaps I should be.

[At least Church smirks at that.] Same here, lil' green guy. I know he's done a lot of shit, and part of me thinks I should be really, really pissed off at him. But I don't have any memories of him. I've never met him. He's just some guy that causes a crapton of trouble. Tortured people and got people killed, yeah, and that's fucking horrifying, but...I'm not angry at him.

I did interact with him for some time. [But, hmm, how to put this.]

One may as well hate gravity or time for all the good it would do me. I cannot change that he created me in the way he did, nor what he put us and our partners through. I cannot change that in many ways I understand precisely why he made the choices he did. Who better to understand them?

You understand them, but you don't have to agree with them. You're allowed to get upset at shit. Just because you're not sure how to handle all the emotions that you get that you normally wouldn't doesn't mean you should panic.

[That's...comforting, actually. Maybe if Alpha finds himself agreeing with Delta about logical things, Delta can find himself agreeing with Alpha about emotional things.]

...Thank you, Church. That is helpful.

Hey, sometimes I actually try. If you don't feel angry, you don't feel angry. If you do, then, hey, you do, congrats on feeling the tiniest fraction of what Omega felt. Can't help what you do or you don't feel.

That is probably true. I am grateful I do not feel that way at all times.

Would you say that sometimes it's frightening? [Hey, he's curious, okay?] Okay, normally I'd say I don't wanna know about any emotional crap, but I kiiiind of want to know everything for once. I can totally be your mentor. Probably.

[That at least gets a grin, even if it's only a rueful one.]

So far the only aspect that has been frightening is actual fear, such as from a nightmare. I have had several of those, I am afraid.

Yeah? Guess androids dream of more than just electric sheep, huh. [Shut up that joke is totally funnier in his head.] What about?

[Delta snorts, amused despite himself. Maybe it's the booze.]

Being left alone. Losing the ones I love. Being controlled against my will.

[The last one is new. Thanks, Thanos!]

So...pretty normal shit to have nightmares about. Especially after what you've been through. Sleeping okay otherwise? I mean, dreams in general must be pretty unsettling to have.

[Delta nods.]

Sleep comes to me more easily now than in the beginning. Dreams in general tend not to concern me overly much. I have often observed them from the outside when York would sleep. I understand they are a way for a human mind to defragment.

You could see his dreams in his head? Wow that's...cool but also pretty creepy. But I like the defragging metaphor. It's very...techy. Human brains are pretty much computers anyway, right?

I could perceive most of his thoughts, Church. Dreams simply had a different structure than consciousness.

[He likes the defragging metaphor, too. It was in some old neuropsych paper he'd read once.] That is correct. Though the structure of a human brain is necessarily different, there are many similarities, especially in the way data is processed.

Can you see his thoughts and dreams now? I mean, you're not...jacked into anyone's head, but...

[Deta smiles at that, and it's surprisingly tender considering how recently he was ranting at York.]

Not as such; however, shortly after my arrival here we both had a communications chip implanted. It allows us to send short messages to one another, and also permits transfer of emotions and, though his cybernetic eye, visual images.

So it's kinda like home. With all the pluses that come with having a human body. [Church smirks. There'd been D's small holiday gift, after all.] Sometimes it sucks, I mean, not being able to be a hologram or a ghost or whatever, but it's not so bad. Has its perks.

It could be worse. It is certainly inconvenient at times, but if they can learn to live with it I do not see why I cannot.

Okay, here's the next lesson, I think: you should start using contractions.

[Delta looks somewhere between amused and offended.]

I can use contractions, Church. I often choose not to.

Why? Just because you've got a brain like a computer doesn't mean you have to sound like one.

I find that people listen better when the flow of words is unusual, compared to what they expect.

C'mon, just give me one contraction, and I won't bring it up again. Probably. Hey, give me a contraction and I'll pay for a round! One round.

action; Day 140, afternoon

alaspooryork - 2014-10-07 22:10 (UTC) - Expand

action; Day 140, afternoon

motherfucking_ghost - 2014-10-07 22:16 (UTC) - Expand

action; Day 140, afternoon

alaspooryork - 2014-10-07 22:34 (UTC) - Expand

action; Day 140, afternoon

motherfucking_ghost - 2014-10-07 22:38 (UTC) - Expand

action; Day 140, afternoon

alaspooryork - 2014-10-07 23:09 (UTC) - Expand

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